Going into Episode two I honestly thought I would like it
more than The Phantom Menace. Mostly because I remember liking it more the last
time I watched the prequels. I’m not sure why this is, perhaps because there
wasn’t so much Jar Jar, perhaps it was the battle of Geonosis. In any case I
have to revise my old stance and rule this worst of the prequels.
Ten years after The Phantom Menace the galaxy is once again
in turmoil as thousands of systems have threatened to succeed from the
Republic. In the mist of this Senator Amidala arrives on Coruscant to oppose
the military creation act. After a failed assassination which kills her body
double she is assigned Jedi protection in the form of Obiwan Kenobi and his
padawan learner Anakin Skywalker. Anakin is now a young adult and instantly
becomes infatuated with the senator. After stopping yet another assassination
attempt Padme is ordered back to Naboo under Anakin’s protection while Obiwan
investigates. Obiwan’s investigation leads him to a remote planet named Kamino
where the locals claim they were commissioned to build a clone army for the
republic modeled after a bounty hunter named Jango Fett. Identifying Fett as
the bounty hunter who escaped on Coruscant Obiwan confronts him and pursues him
to the planet of Geonosis where he discovers the leaders of the separatists
meeting with an ex-jedi named Count Dooku.
Meanwhile Anakin tries to initiate a romantic relationship
with Padme. While she initially rebuffs him she eventually falls in love but
still refuses him because Jedi are forbidden to have romantic entanglements. At
the same time Anakin his haunted by dreams about his mother. The two head to on
Tatooine were they find Shimi Skywalker has been kidnapped by Sand People. Attempts
by the locals to retrieve her have failed. Heading into the wilderness alone,
Anakin finds the camp and locates his mother who dies in his arms.
After burying Shimi Skywalker, Anakin is contacted by Obiwan
on Geonosis, seemingly taken prisoner the Jedi council tells Anakin to wait
with Padme on Tatooine but Padme objects and they head to Geonosis where they
too are caught.
Sentenced to death they finally meet with Obiwan at the
center of a colosseum where there are to be torn apart by beasts. The three
manage to overcome the animals so battle droids move in. At that moment the
Jedi appear. A battle ensues where the Jedi are cornered but before they can be
finished off Yoda appears with the clone army. The clones and the Jedi quickly
defeat the droids while Anakin and Obiwan corner Count Dooku. But Dooku proves
stronger than them, he beats Obiwan and then Anakin in a light saber duel,
slashing Obiwan multiple times and removing Anakin’s hand. Enter Yoda, who
proves too much for the Sith lord who hastily retreats.
As the battle end the galaxy finds itself in the midst of a
galaxy wide war. Palpatine over sees the grand army of the republic with a
delegation of senators. Meanwhile Anakin and Padme secretly get married, coming
together after their brush with death on Geonosis.
Even a short summary does little to hide the gaping hole in
the middle of this movie. Obiwan’s adventures are fine in and of themselves,
but the unbelievable romance between Padme—a twenty something senator—and
Anakin Skywalker—a nineteen year old man child with an aggressive steak that
should set off alarm bells in even the most naive of observers—is driven by bad
dialogue and forced developments. Either Padme has a thing for bad boys which
is never spelled out, or more likely the entire thing is stupid. Anakin comes
off as creepy almost immediately, an impression compounded by his slaughtering
the Tusken raiders—an event which is totally unnecessary in terms of foreshadowing
his fall to the dark side. Anakin does not look like the good man Obiwan
remembers him as in the original trilogy. He looks like a sociopath already
circling the drain.
The only saving grace for this movie is the action scenes.
While I don’t like the chase through Coruscant I love the dogfight between
Obiwan and Jango, most of the battle of Geonosis and the ending lightsaber
duels. For many people however that is simply not enough. Good action scenes do
not a good movie make; not when the action is less than half the movie.
Another thing worth addressing is the over use of CGI
backgrounds and characters over practical effects. While some of them are very
well done—I actually prefer CGI Yoda to his puppet counterpart--your brain
still knows what you’re looking at is fake, and to much of that is a bad thing.
A few practical effects and real sets would have helped balance this out.
I don’t fault the poor performance of some of the actors to
anything other than bad dialogue and directing. Anakin was written badly,
Christianson had a limited character to work with. On the other hand McGregor deserves
praise for his portrayal of Obiwan. Of all the performances in the movie his
stands out as excellent; I could watch him play Obiwan all day.
Attack of the Clones is a low point. It is watchable for the
action scenes and for Obiwan but not for much more.
4.4 out of 10
-Gedaemon
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